THE TRUTH ABOUT PUTTING ON ANOTHER PERSON'S SHOES

Source: jooinn.com

The number of times I have heard the expression 'put yourself in other people's shoes' are countless but  the truth is that I knew what it meant but never really understood it. The ability to see things from another person's perspective is something we find ourselves using often as human beings because to every person, they are right, according to their perspective anyway.

So you find yourselve putting on the other people's shoes more often than you really like; to see how they feel and try to understand them. You then quickly put back your shoes, which are much more comfortable. But what if putting on another person's shoes may cost you yours? Then what? It is easier to be more empathetic when the price to pay is small. However, when we are negatively affected, when there is a chance of you losing out on something precious and waking up and sleeping mentally exhausted; then the real test sets in.

Experience being the best teacher, I recently had my fair share of empathy lessons. Building a career is not the easiest thing in the world, it takes effort, research, dedication and sacrifice. This means that the frustration really does mount up when there are no tangible results equal to all the energy that being invested. That was me starting out as a freelancer writer; I did the research, sent out cold emails, pitched, made and run a website and blog but there were no tangible results. The most frustrating thing though was the one thing that I was really counting on was failing to through.

I am a firm believer in God and His power. I knew that my dreams as a freelancer writer would come true because I had always relied on God and He had never failed to pull through for me. So with me investing all this energy and time and receiving nothing, I became antsy. 

Truth be told, I am not patient. It drains me to wait because I feel like I am losing out on time. Then there was God, telling me to have patience with Him, that He knew what He was doing. He was asking me to do the one thing that I hate in the world. At first, I waited but then failure started setting then and at that point, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I grumbled and complained till I got tired of it  but He's reply stayed the same; patience.

Thinking back to that time, I felt betrayed and incapable of handling myself. The times I lost my temper and said nasty things are many but nonetheless, God told me to have patience. It was at this point that I decided something was wrong with my approach. I realized that I had barely listened to God. Whenever He spoke and said something that I didn't want to hear, I would block Him out and continue with my complaining and grumbling which was much easier.

I decided to listen Him out and see things objectively and it was then that I realized that I had been extremely selfish. God is God, what He does for me does not only affect me but also those around me and people out there that I don't even know. In my angry state, I had forgotten all the times in the past when God had been there for me and immediately answered my prayers.

It took a lot to put myself in God's position but it was worth it because I understood things better. Honestly speaking, nothing ever worth having comes easy. You have to work hard, make sacrifices and let go of bad habits that stand in between you and your goal. In relationships, career and life in general, you have to be ready to let go of your pride and emotions to see things from other people's perspectives no matter how right you are. It will be hard I won't lie but the peace of mind you will get will be just a bonus after the fact that you will make a well-informed decision. 

One of the most paramount things I learnt in being empathetic is to control your emotions and do what you have to do. Emotions are very disastrous if not controlled; they blind reasoning and get us to act on impulse which leaves a trail of destruction behind us. I acted on impulse and lost my temper and the aftermath was days of feeling guilty. The moment you control your emotions and do what's necessary; all the mind fog will eventually clear.

The second thing is to avoid playing victim even though you might be a victim. When you play victim, it's easier to overlook some facts that might have been your own doing. Instead, try seeing things from an objective perspective. Hard as this is, with a proper story filled with facts, a right decision is made.

The third  and the most important lesson I learnt was to listen. I wish I had done this from the beginning. It would have saved me from days of frustration and pain that I had undergone. Do not only hear but listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. If I had listened and understood God, then I would have found a way forward and focused all my energy on my work to yield more results.

The matter of the fact is that all this is much harder to do but you must try anyway. One way I learnt to cope with such a situation is to focus on what you can do and not what you cannot do. The only way a human being can control a situation is to decide. Choose to be the bigger person and accept your role in the situation. This will be difficult but there will be more fulfilment in your life.

To say that I am more patient would be an outright lie but I can say that I have learnt to subside my feelings to put on another person's shoes, accept my faults, apologize and look for the best way forward.